Anyway, back to the point of the story here. This time, none of the folks who I know were there. There are a couple of mommies that I know from my neighborhood who attend regularly. So, I had to just jump into conversation with these other mommies who are nearly strangers. This isn't terribly hard for me, but I don't like it very much.
They were having one of those conversations that starts like this, "Does your baby crawl yet? Mine is all over the place!" Inevitably, the next mommy jumps in and starts talking about their baby and their baby's crawling. Then, another mommy will chime in and share about their baby. It goes on and on, mommies interrupting other mommies to tell about their little darlings. I realized today that this kind of conversation is not for me.
Now, I am the first one to talk about my baby. The first. I LOVE to talk about her. I started this blog here to talk about her, geez. But, when I am out having conversations, I don't want to have an exclusively mommy-talk kind of conversation. I want to talk about the big stuff. I noticed that none of these mommies talks about her feelings or reflections, but just shares what her baby is doing or not doing. This "conversation" makes me think of the times when I have driven across the country by myself. When I would arrive at a rest stop/grocery/ hotel/wherever, I would try to talk to whomever crossed my path. After so many lonely hours in my own little car bubble, I needed to get out and offload some of the thoughts in my mind. Sometimes the words would come out all disorganized and sometimes they would be brilliant. Inevitably, I would enter back into my little bubble at the conclusion of the break and wonder, "What just happened?" These mommy talks feel like that.
Because I have always been the "Queen of Deep", I know that I'm not always in the norm. I understand that some women may not want to share their innermost thoughts and feelings in public, with strangers. That's OKAY. But getting past this stage is important to me. I don't really want to do mommy talk any more. I want to have some conversation. Of course, it can be about babies.
I don't know how to do this. I just know I want to.